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Cats' Corners: the little HOUSE in the woods....
Where House is NEVER safe...
Wondering [companion to Knowing] 
13th-Oct-2007 11:57 am
Title:  Wondering
Rating:  G
Characters:  Wilson, House [friendship]
Summary:  This is a long overdue companion piece to Knowing, in which House explores his belief about why Wilson stays, and what could cause him to leave.  In Wondering, it's Wilson's turn to explore the question--and to answer it.

The first piece:  Knowing  [House's POV]

Wondering  [Wilson's POV]

Wilson simply stands there, leaning against the wall, posture open and relaxed--inviting House to accept what comfort he can offer.  House's pain is bad, worse than usual, and it's reflected in House's mood, in the way House's own posture is closed-in; his body curls protectively into itself.  It's clearest in the way House won't meet Wilson's eyes.

Wilson suddenly remembers an article he'd read, a study of the psychological implications of serious illness in adopted kids.  One line comes back to him:  Many of these children see their illness as the ultimate test of the question that's always been on their minds; "will they desert me now?"  The article had gone on to say that adopted children never overcome the feeling that if they weren't good enough for their birth parents, they can  never be good enough for anyone else; their entire lives turn into an exhausting test--What will I finally do to push you away?  Wilson's not sure why watching House has reminded him of this, but the connection makes him sad nonetheless.

He's spent a lot of time, over the years, wondering what he could say, what he could do, to convince House that he'll always be around.  He'd thought, for a while, that he'd truly messed it up, leaving House on the floor last Christmas Eve.  He could tell that House thought he'd really torn it that time--had found a way to push Wilson out, had proven his theory that everyone would leave him eventually.  

What House had been unable to figure out, though, is that--while Wilson had walked out that night--it was only in the physical sense.  He'd never left; not emotionally--he couldn't.  Wouldn't.  Didn't even want to.   Oh, House.  What can I say?  I'm here because I want to be here.  I'm here because you're worth all the crap.  I'm not here because you need me; I could never pity you.

Wilson walks into the bedroom and returns with a couple of pillows and a blanket; he tosses it all to House.  "Get comfortable; looks like you're stuck there a while."

House lets the bedding fall to the floor.  "You're not.  I'm fine.  Go."

Wilson sighs quietly, then walks to the couch and retrieves the linens.  He puts the pillows on the end of the couch and covers House with the blanket.  House twists his mouth, but when he doesn't protest, Wilson chances sitting down next to him, just inches away, hoping that House can feel the caring he's trying so hard to telegraph.  After a full minute of silence, Wilson takes a chance.  He doesn't look at House when he speaks.

"I'm not going anywhere, ya know.  Not now."  Wilson turns his head and meets House's dubious eyes.  "Not ever."

Now House is the one to look away,  as Wilson continues to study his face.  "That a promise or a threat?"  House's voice is dry, and his eyes are amused and challenging.  But Wilson's already seen the truth--the vulnerability, the fear House had instantly masked as he'd turned his head away.

Wilson takes a deep breath, and in that moment, it comes to him--the answer.  The only right answer.  He smiles at House, and then allows his expression to grow serious.  "Neither one.  It's your favorite thing, House--a fact.  Not a promise to break, not a threat to hold over your head.  A fact.  Black and white.  Plain and simple.  Inarguable.  Just... a fact."

House leans his head against the back of the couch and closes his eyes.  "A fact," he repeats, almost in a whisper.  "Inarguable."    

And then, as Wilson watches, House pulls in a long, shuddering breath and lets it go.  He opens his eyes, looks directly at Wilson, and nods.

Wilson stands and grabs one of the pillows, arranges it gently under House's right leg, and watches as House's body relaxes, as House finally sinks into the comfort that's always been there, all along.
(Deleted comment)
13th-Oct-2007 10:43 pm (UTC)
thanks, as always, for your perceptive analysis--and for your support!
13th-Oct-2007 10:35 pm (UTC)
Hey. It's nice to see Wilson finally getting it, answering the question that House hasn't asked.

I didn't get to respond to this earlier because I had to rush out the door. I worked today, teaching others how to paint ballroom dance gowns. Hee.

13th-Oct-2007 10:48 pm (UTC)
paint gowns? or paint on gowns?

do i get bonus points for being brave enough to post it prior to your response? hee. [and you should've been the one writing this, ya know--i'm certain i'd have liked it a lot more. but at least it's... something, though]
13th-Oct-2007 11:11 pm (UTC)
This was fantastic. As usual. And you finally pulled them all together! Do you have the links all in one entry so I can add that one to my memories? Go look at the House, M.D. entry or the one you have for me if you're wondering what I mean. I've added considerably to the only link you have for me.

As for the adopted kids mention, you remember that post-'No Reason' RPG I started a year and a half ago? Remember how we made House adopted? I wonder what it is about (possibly my) RPGs where they seem to die out every time. *ponders for a moment before glancing at the burrito beside me*

Am hungry. Will eat.

And I had an idea earlier today and looked it up on Ye Olde Intarweb: could my allergies be playing a part in my numerous ear infections? I found a link between allergies and ear infections in adults and plan to ask my internist for a renewal of my Allegra prescription the next time I see him. I had to stop taking it while I was on the Keppra because it would make me sleep all day. Maybe now I can go back on it. I certainly hope it would help.
13th-Oct-2007 11:17 pm (UTC)
answers to all questions: no, and i don't know.

glad you liked the story, though!
14th-Oct-2007 12:08 am (UTC)
Wilson musing on that study is just perfect, and the fact that he'd think of this is just another example of how eerie his ability to read House's mind is. :-) The promise/threat discussion is perfectly in character, too. :-) Lovely.
14th-Oct-2007 12:26 pm (UTC)
i very much appreciate your comment that they're in character; i'm afraid i've gotten a bit rusty over the last few months!
14th-Oct-2007 12:36 am (UTC) - Comment. (Dr. Fantabulous)
Love the analogous study- and the unique idea that maybe Wilson isn't there because he needs to be needed, but because having his friend around and well is important to him. Also, psychologically clever of Wilson to state this as a fact for House, "plain and simple" as for a kid. And back to the study Wilson was reminded of, about children, we've come full circle. I like that you always manage to relate House to a child, he is very adolescent in nature. Maybe the adopted-child theory serves to explain some of it.
I'm so excited that you're writing again!
14th-Oct-2007 12:29 pm (UTC) - Re: Comment. (Dr. Fantabulous)
i'm excited to be writing again too [but i won't be really excited until the sequel to tmtc is well underway]! and while house clearly isn't a child, he certainly has many aspects of both child-like and childish behavior, doesn't he?
14th-Oct-2007 12:49 am (UTC)
I think you have an amazing insight into both Houses's and Wilson's minds... Sometimes I think if I ever really tried to understand what goes in their brains (especially in the 'rat maze' of House' s brain, as Wilson wonderfully said in SoaGC, LOL!), I'd become insane, but somehow you managed to put the both of them in words so perfectly.
I'm really in awe.
I esp. loved the lines "Wilson will always be here, because House will never ask him to stay." from House's piace and "I'm here because you're worth all the crap" from Wilson's piece.
They both need each other, really. Somehow, they FIT. And it's amazing.
Thank you for writing this. Seriously.

- Winter
14th-Oct-2007 12:31 pm (UTC)
you are very welcome! glad you enjoyed the pieces, and thanks so much for commenting.
14th-Oct-2007 04:23 am (UTC)
I liked the idea of Wilson thinking of the adopted children. It seems very appropriate when one thinks about House. (Honestly I would probably do some serious damage to Mr. House if I was on the show. *growls*)

Also liked how he told House that his staying was a fact. Which is a perfect way for House to understand. "Black and White is all he sees..." Great job!
14th-Oct-2007 12:32 pm (UTC)
Also liked how he told House that his staying was a fact. Which is a perfect way for House to understand. "Black and White is all he sees..."

absolutely--i really believe that, too. and good to see you!
14th-Oct-2007 04:24 am (UTC)
A friend of mine asked me the other day to rec some good House fic with emotional heart and I said Kidsnurse! This is just another example of why. Thank you.
14th-Oct-2007 12:33 pm (UTC)
awww... thank you! what a lovely compliment; i'm very much appreciative.
14th-Oct-2007 06:01 am (UTC)
This is wonderful! Both stories are. I love how you write House and Wilson.
14th-Oct-2007 12:34 pm (UTC)
thanks--i'm so glad you enjoyed them, and took the time to let me know!
14th-Oct-2007 09:41 am (UTC)
I just can say: I love it.


Thank you.

(I bow for you)
14th-Oct-2007 12:35 pm (UTC)
happy to see you, happy you enjoyed it!
14th-Oct-2007 10:50 am (UTC)
Oh, this is beautiful, I love the ending, Wilson is clever to come upwith a dry scientific thing as "a fact", to get through to House. Thanks for writing and sharing.
14th-Oct-2007 12:36 pm (UTC)
and thanks so much for reading and commenting. i hope that soon, there'll be more to come.
14th-Oct-2007 11:40 am (UTC)
This is wonderful!

I love, love your Wilson, your understanding and caring Wilson.

Perfect pace and great voices!
14th-Oct-2007 12:38 pm (UTC)
i'm glad to hear that it works for you; still feeling a bit tentative in the writing, after so many months of nothing--so your words mean a lot!
(Deleted comment)
14th-Oct-2007 02:17 pm (UTC)
thank you so much--both for the kind words and for the warm welcome. and i'm glad i could make you go yay!
14th-Oct-2007 02:29 pm (UTC)
The thing I like best about this is Wilson saying that his presence in House's life is a fact.

Because really? Wilson knows that it isn't even a choice for him, not really. In order for him to choose to leave House, he'd have to be someone other than he is.
14th-Oct-2007 02:36 pm (UTC)
In order for him to choose to leave House, he'd have to be someone other than he is.

and the truth of that statement is the well from which all of our house-wilson friendship fic springs; good observation.
14th-Oct-2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
Came on the rec at HHoW - very nice, I really like the close of this, and that Wilson knows exactly that what House needs is the certainty of facts.
14th-Oct-2007 09:16 pm (UTC)
i'm so glad you wandered over; i'm even more glad that you enjoyed your stay! thanks so much.
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