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Cats' Corners: the little HOUSE in the woods....
Where House is NEVER safe...
BUSTED (new one-shot) 
15th-Jul-2007 08:46 am
Title:  Busted
Characters:  Wilson, House
Rating:  G
Genre:  Gen, friendship
Words:  1200
Summary:  Wilson's down with a wicked migraine--fine time for House to start acting stranger than usual!  x-posted



Migraine.  He doesn’t get ‘em often, maybe once a year—but when he does, he’s got a system.  Dark room.  Icy-cold cloth to the forehead. Ibuprofen, 800mg.  Two pillows; one for under his head, one for over.  And no noise.  No.  Noise.  It’s a simple formula; too bad he’d forgotten to figure House into the equation.  How the hell could he have forgotten House?  No one can forget House.  But he had—and now, he thinks, he’ll have to pay, big-time, for the oversight.


“Go away, House.  Please.  In the name of all that’s compassionate, just turn around and leave.  I’m begging.”  Wilson’s voice is muffled by Pillow Number Two, but he’s pretty sure House gets the gist.


“What’s the matter with you?”


“I broke my arm.  See the cast?  I’ll let you autograph it later if you’ll just.  Go.  Away.”


“Well, your sarcasm button’s definitely broken; that was lame, even for you.  Got a headache?”


“Sherlock Holmes.  Not just a headache.  Migraine From Hell.”  Shouldn’t have admitted to anything—now he’ll use it against me.


Wilson braces himself for a slamming door, a toppled desk chair.  A gunshot.  When the expected assault to his senses doesn’t come, he cracks an eye open and peers from beneath the pillow.  House is just standing there, watching him.


Wilson sighs.  “Oddly enough, I find it more unsettling that you’re not trying to increase my misery exponentially.  Just do whatever it is that you’re plotting, so I can go back to dying in peace.”


“What’ve you taken?”


“Ibuprofen.  If I’d known you were coming, I’d have thrown in some cyanide too, ended this a little faster.  But wouldn’t want to deprive you of your fun.”


“How long?”


“How long what?  I’m really not up for Twenty Questions right now, House.  Ten, maybe.  If you’ll leave after I answer them.”  Wilson can’t help it; he groans.


“How long have you had the headache, you moron?”


Wilson has to think about it.  “Visual aura started about an hour ago.  Pain and nausea… I dunno.  Maybe twenty minutes.”


“Idiot,” House whispers, and leaves quietly, shutting the door soundlessly behind him.


Great.  He behaved himself.  Must be a new form of torture; now I have to lie here and worry about why he didn’t act like a jerk.


Wilson tries to relax, attempts to allow the cool, comforting, quiet darkness a chance to work its slow magic on his headache—but he can’t enjoy it.  He’s too busy trying to solve the puzzle of House’s human-like behavior.


The sound of House’s cane out in the hall causes Wilson to groan again.  Probably needed a few minutes to come up with something extra special.  Like a laser light show and a live band.


But House enters just as quietly as he’d departed.  He does turn on the desk lamp, but angles the light away from Wilson.  And when he sits on the edge of the couch, it almost seems like he’s being careful not to cause any extra movement—Wilson’s on red alert now.


“Whaddaya want now, House?  Not dying fast enough for you?”


“Jimmy, I’m hurt!  Ever occur to you I might just want to help?”


“Uhh… no.”  Wilson feels his shirt sleeve being pushed up, and he forces his eyes open.  House has a syringe poised over his arm.  “What are you doing?  House, the triptans are contraindicated; don’t you think I already thought of that?  Anti-depressants, remember?  Serotonin Syndrome ring any bells with you?”


“You think I’m an idiot?  That’s the trouble with you younger doctors; you forget the tried-and-true stuff.  Good, old-fashioned D.H.E.45.  Ergotamine.”  Before Wilson can object, House expertly administers the subcutaneous injection.  “You should be almost good as new in a couple hours.”


Wilson’s really mystified now; House has also brought another ice pack with him, and he’s removing the cloth from Wilson’s forehead and replacing it with the new one.  “Are you all right?” he asks House.


“There’s gotta be something wrong with me?  You think I enjoy seeing you suffer?”


“That’d be a ‘yes.’  What do you want, House?”


“What makes you think I want anything?”


“You’ve got some sort of ulterior motive for wanting my migraine over with.  Under normal circumstances, you’d be rubbing your hands together and cackling with glee, making a list of all the ways you could use this to nurture your inner sadist.  So what gives?”


House frowns and pauses, then smiles.  “Okay, you got me.  Busted.  Had these tickets to… something… for a few weeks now.  Don’t wanna go by myself.  Guess I could ask Cameron….”


“Yeah, because that whole encouraging-an-unrequited-crush thing always works out so well,” Wilson responds dryly.


“Exactly.  Not going there.  So I need you back in shape by tonight.”


Wilson’s relieved, but only a little bit.  There’s the ulterior motive.  But—tickets to something?  Uh-oh.


“Tickets to where, House?”


House stands smoothly.  “Now that’d spoil the surprise, wouldn’t it?  Get some rest; been looking forward to this for weeks.  Don’t want some sicko ruining my evening.”  And he’s gone.  Wilson closes his eyes and orders himself not to think.


Several hours later, Wilson’s feeling almost normal again.  He’s going to check on a patient when Chase flags him down.


“Dr. Wilson, I can’t find House.  Could you do me a favor?  Tell him I finally found something for him, but it’s gonna cost.”


“What are you talking about, Chase?”


Chase rolls his eyes.  “House told me to find him some nice, quiet activity for tonight.  Wouldn’t explain anything else.  Just said it’d be cool if it was something that wouldn’t bore him too much.  I figured you’d know what was going on.”


When Wilson shakes his head, Chase continues, “Anyway, took me most of the day, but I found a Mel Brooks movie festival.  Should make him happy; he did mention that dim lighting would be a plus.  It’s been sold out for a week, though, so I had to get the tickets off an auction site.  Not cheap.  Can you let him know?”


Wilson stares at Chase.  “Uh… no.  No, I can’t.  And we need to pretend this conversation never happened, Chase.  You never saw me—tell him yourself.”


Chase walks off shaking his head, and Wilson has to laugh. Chase's expression is easy to read: House.  Wilson.  Subterfuge.  I am so not going there!  So let him think this is one of House’s crazy bets, or something.  As far as Wilson’s concerned, the truth is just as unbelievable, anyway.


Later that evening, on the drive to the movie theater, House glances over at Wilson.  “Lucky for you I had these tickets.  Otherwise, you’d be lying in your office puking, praying for a merciful death.”


Wilson hides his smile, and shakes his head.  “Yeah, I knew that.  It’s all about you, House—always gotta be an ulterior motive.  Can’t believe I didn’t figure it out sooner, though.  Actually believed—for a second or two—that you were being nice for the sake of… being nice.  Had me worried.  Must’ve been sicker than I thought.”


“It’s okay.  Migraine messed with your brain.  You’ll catch on faster next time,” House assures him.


“Yeah,” Wilson says quietly, “I will.” And he smiles into the darkness.

A/N: thanks to blackmare for the brilliant movie suggestion!




15th-Jul-2007 01:17 pm (UTC)
Oh man. I was rolling my eyes at the tx thing, wondering what was up with it, and was it something romantic that House had come up with before hand, and when Chase comes in and starts talking, im Speechless. but by the time wilson answers him, ive got th9is tiny squee of happiness escaping. Booy you made my morning with this fic. Now I can go to work happily!
15th-Jul-2007 01:22 pm (UTC)
Booy you made my morning with this fic.

comments like that make my morning--thank you!
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15th-Jul-2007 01:57 pm (UTC)
maybe I just can't see House torturing someone who's in pain

i can't see wilson doing that, either--but if you'll recall, in Distractions, S2, house had a (self-induced) migraine, and our sweet wilson went out of his way to add to house's misery (loud voice, dropped spoons, etc.). it's all in good fun, i s'pose! ;)
15th-Jul-2007 01:51 pm (UTC)
I love seeing that unexpected, sweet side of House every now and then. This had me really smiling. :)
15th-Jul-2007 01:59 pm (UTC)
love seeing that unexpected, sweet side of House every now and then

and i love writing that side of him. making him caring and human and keeping him in character is an enjoyable challenge! :)
15th-Jul-2007 02:00 pm (UTC)
awwww, perfect read this morning, thanks :)
15th-Jul-2007 02:03 pm (UTC)
you're very welcome; it's nice to be posting something that makes people smile (for a change)! ;)
15th-Jul-2007 02:14 pm (UTC)
awww. I love this side of House.

AND MEL BROOKS OMG. :) that made me ever-so-happy.
15th-Jul-2007 02:17 pm (UTC)

you can thank blackmare for that reference; i'd originally gone with the alfred hitchcock cliche'!
15th-Jul-2007 02:23 pm (UTC)
I'm re-reading this over my morning cup of coffee, and smiling. Again. I've noticed and liked the few little changes you made since the last draft I saw. Otherwise, you'd be lying in your office puking, praying for a merciful death. What a very ... Housey way to put it.

And I could absolutely see Wilson being afraid that House will add to his misery rather than helping. I get the feeling in this story that House has done it before, made Wilson suffer a bit worse when he had this kind of headache. Maybe not for very long -- just as Wilson didn't prolong the torture when he did it to House -- but I'm sure House has done that at least once.

I really like the way you write "Wilson and House play Let's Pretend." They'll pretend House isn't human, has no feelings; they'll pretend Wilson can't see through it. And it's very touching and often (like it is here) very funny to watch the double act.
15th-Jul-2007 02:46 pm (UTC)
just as Wilson didn't prolong the torture when he did it to House

oh, it looked pretty drawn out to me! and... it bothered me when house was going for his coffee and wilson yelled that water would be better. for a migraine? no. my doc says the only time coffee and cigarettes are to be encouraged is during a migraine, as both constrict blood vessels. however. wilson's medical faux pas wasn't nearly as exciting as the time house claimed to have taken 1000mg of benadryl! i still maintain that since then, we've been watching house's ghost--even the immortal house wouldn't have lived through that dose! /medical inaccuracy rant
15th-Jul-2007 02:33 pm (UTC)
SO GOOD! You rock at writing, you know that?!

I love House being nice to Wilson for the sake of being nice. And Wilson finding out and NOT telling House, to let him think his cover is still intact... oh so cute.
*grins happily*

*goes back to learning with a happy mind*
Thanks so much for cheering me up with this!
15th-Jul-2007 02:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for cheering me up with this!

glad to do it! happy learning!!
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15th-Jul-2007 02:51 pm (UTC)
Without being in the least angsty you've pointed out what I think is one of the biggest tragedies of House's life

and there you have the 'deeper' reason that i wrote this. yeah, i wanted to do a lighter piece--but i also saw the potential for the poignance of house having to come up with a 'cover story.' thanks for recognizing that as well.
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15th-Jul-2007 04:42 pm (UTC)
That was cute. :D
15th-Jul-2007 04:44 pm (UTC)
fun to write--glad it was fun to read!
15th-Jul-2007 05:10 pm (UTC)
Awwwwww (x100)
15th-Jul-2007 05:14 pm (UTC)
yeah, it is a bit fluffy, isn't it? ;)
15th-Jul-2007 05:11 pm (UTC)
Aw, that was awesome. I love House caring about others and most of the hospital population not knowing a thing about it. Question: have you been getting any of my other comments? Are you getting this one?
15th-Jul-2007 05:19 pm (UTC)
yes, hon--getting the comments. but until we get our second opinion, i'm busy living in the fifty-first State (you know the one--Denial), so i'm not allowing myself to dwell on anything concerning the whole issue. it was exploding my brain, which was oh-so-not helping any aspect of daily life. let me have my carefully constructed little happyworld for a bit; it'll all blow up again soon enough... sigh.
15th-Jul-2007 05:17 pm (UTC)
Blackmare, you did it again. This was awesome and sweet and funny and touching and the voices - perfectly pitched. Loveeeeeeeed it!!!
15th-Jul-2007 05:23 pm (UTC)
Blackmare, you did it again

uh... you do know that the awesome blackmare isn't writing these, don't you? she and misanthropicobs are generously doing the first reading for me, but i assure you, i actually write my own fics! :)
15th-Jul-2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
Man that opening paragraph certainly is familiar to me. My Mom has beastly migraines like this at least once a month. Loved the fic though and yay for Mel Brooks festival!
15th-Jul-2007 06:20 pm (UTC)
that first paragraph should ring bells with everyone who's ever suffered a migraine, and everyone who's ever suffered a migraine sufferer! not a pleasant situation; the fic is (i hope!) a lot more fun than the actual situation it depicts!! ;)
15th-Jul-2007 06:12 pm (UTC)
Loved it.

The thing about House that Wilson seems to have forgotten is that he doesn't like physical pain. It's necessary sometimes (e.g. waking up the kid in Distractions), but he wouldn't inflict it on Wilson for no reason. Now EMOTIONAL pain is another story.

It's kind of sad that House had to make up a selfish reason before Wilson would trust him.
15th-Jul-2007 06:22 pm (UTC)
kind of sad that House had to make up a selfish reason before Wilson would trust him

when one is in the throes of a migraine, everyone becomes "the enemy" and even the most mild-mannered among us can turn nasty. blame wilson's mistrust on the pain! :)
15th-Jul-2007 09:54 pm (UTC)
You are on fire. What magic substance is enabling this run of fics?

Got a larger story planned, writing around it? *wink wink* I've been there many a time, and I hope that's not where you are...so I take back the winking. ;)
15th-Jul-2007 10:13 pm (UTC)
Got a larger story planned, writing around it?

shhhhh!! hush, sy-- you'll remind them of the sequel to The More Things Change, and they'll ask about it again, and i'll... and i'll.... and... *wanders off, babbling incoherently at the mere thought of anything which must contain a cohesive plot from chapter to chapter to chapter to.....*

(did i answer your question?)
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