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Cats' Corners: the little HOUSE in the woods....
Where House is NEVER safe...
What House Knows [companion to What Wilson Knows] 
25th-Oct-2007 02:23 pm
SadHW
Title:  What House Knows
Rating:  PG
Genre:  Friendship, a bit of angst
Summary:  House knows he's put Wilson in a tough position--but he has his reasons.



This piece is the companion to last week's What Wilson Knows.


House strides to the pharmacy, the script from Wilson in his hand.  As he hands it over and waits for the pharmacist to fill it, he palms the last Vicodin from his current bottle and slips it discreetly into his mouth.  Normally, he'd make certain that everyone in the vicinity knew that the cripple was down to his last pill--but Wilson's been getting better lately about being prompt with the refills.  So, probably not a good idea to do anything that might send someone complaining to his... his what?

Drug dealer?  Pusher?  Supplier?  Yeah, supplier works--Wilson supplies what House needs so that House can continue to function.  And if what House needs will also eventually kill him?  Well, the way House sees it, that's acceptable collateral damage.

Occasionally, it crosses House's mind that this may put his best friend in a less-than-comfortable position.  But House knows something that allows him to justify what this might be doing to Wilson.

When the time comes, that inevitable, inescapable point after the words 'liver transplant' or 'renal failure' have been spoken, when House has refused (because he will refuse) any life-prolonging measures, House knows what he wants--and what he doesn't want.  He doesn't want some cold, impersonal hand holding the gun, some stranger's finger on the trigger.  He wants someone almost as intimate with the pain as he is.  He wants Wilson.

Wilson understands something about the pain that no one else does, that no other doctor would even try  to understand.  Wilson's aware that Pain is a tangible entity in House's life, as real and solid as Wilson himself.  Pain is like a despised relative, but a relative who House isn't fortunate enough to see only once a year at a holiday dinner, and then forget about for the next three hundred and sixty four days.  Pain happens to live under the same roof, and must therefore be acknowledged daily.  Pain's needs must be met, and Pain must be treated with something approaching respect.  And Wilson's willing to do that, even when House is not.

Wilson does something else that House cannot allow himself to do; he's gentle with the pain.  He's kind to it, and acknowledges and fills its unending needs.  House won't do that; he can't recognize Pain's existence on any but the most superficial level.  If he did, then he'd have to acquiesce to its strength, allow it to sweep him away from all that's important to him--Pain, House knows, is a jealous and possessive creature.  So he counts on Wilson to feed Its demands from a safe distance.

When the day comes that the pain is stronger than Wilson's attempts to appease it, when those very attempts are costing House his life, Wilson should feel no guilt.  Because yeah, Wilson's been wielding the weapon all along--but it's a double-edged sword.  House knows this as well as he knows his own name.  Wilson might occasionally wonder if his actions will eventually murder House.  But House will make sure --before that last day comes--that Wilson knows that the man who vanquishes his pain is also the man who will, in the end, release him from it forever.  And Wilson needs to know that, as far as House is concerned, providing that release doesn't make Wilson a murderer; it makes him a liberator.  And that, thinks House, is the ultimate absolution. 

 
 
Thoughts 
25th-Oct-2007 07:44 pm (UTC)
Absolutely beautiful, a great pair of pieces that fit together as well as House and Wilson. This set is poignant and well-balanced. Nicely done.

By the way, I think there's some kind of a formatting error going on with your link to the previous piece.
(Deleted comment)
25th-Oct-2007 08:24 pm (UTC)
As for concrit, nothing major to report.
I really liked how you made pain analogous to a family member and described both House and Wilson's differing relationships with it.
A couple of style points that you may want to take second look at:
I really like the way you've capitalized Pain and given it an identity, and think it might be even more effective to carry that through the last paragraph when referring to it as his Pain as well.
I think script might work better than scrip at the start, superficial levels might sound better than surface of levels, and double-edged sword might flow a little easier than two-edged, just by convention.

Occasionally, it crosses House's mind that the position this puts his best friend in may not be a very comfortable place to be.
Something a little simpler might flow easier, like: Occasionally, it crosses House's mind that this may put his best friend in an uncomfortable (or less than comfortable) position.
And Wilson needs to know that, as far as House is concerned, providing that release for House doesn't make Wilson a murderer; it makes him a liberator.
I think this sentence would read smoother without the "for House".

These are all pretty minor points. Overall, this is a strong, thoughtful, moving piece.
25th-Oct-2007 08:35 pm (UTC)
implemented several of your suggestions--you're right; it greatly improves the flow. many, many thanks! [and scrip has always been the accepted medical 'slang' for "prescription"--as a matter of fact, when i see 'script' in other fanfics (or even here it said as 'script' on the show, which has actually happened once), my mind automatically goes to that thing that tells actors what to say!] :) thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
25th-Oct-2007 08:53 pm (UTC)
hmm...I wonder if this scrip vs. script thing is something that varies by region, because all the doctors and nurses at the hospital I work at say script. In fact, the pharm. company I order prescription meds from is even called express scripts. weird.
you're most welcome my dear, glad the suggestions were helpful. :)
25th-Oct-2007 08:56 pm (UTC)
helpful? helpful? i think that they made the thing ever-so-much more 'readable,' and a couple of your suggestions increased the impact of what i was trying to say! i'm more than grateful.
25th-Oct-2007 09:14 pm (UTC)
ugggg--my brain. forgot to add that perhaps 'scrip' is one of those weird southern things. i remember being laughed at in georgia for calling it a 'script', and it's a 'scrip' in florida as well. and since i've worked only in the south....

also forgot to add that i do, indeed, know the difference between 'here' and 'hear'. sometimes i do hate my baclofen-riddled brain..... :)
25th-Oct-2007 11:44 pm (UTC)
Believe me, it was plenty readable as it was, but I'm happy the suggestions worked for you.
As for the whole scrip/script thing, my guess would be it might be a regional difference. Can't really say for sure, as I'm a New Yorker, born and raised, but based on what you've said, it seems likely. It would explain why they say script on the show too since Jersey's not far from here.
No worries about the here/hear, I'm quite well- convinced that you've got a masterful way with words. :)
26th-Oct-2007 01:41 am (UTC)
okay; i'm convinced. they are in new jersey, so 'script' it shall be! [does this mean i must now go back and correct it in my other 200 thousand words?] ;)

and MANY MANY thanks!!!!
26th-Oct-2007 02:09 am (UTC)
ha, oh no. sorry, i wasn't trying to convince, just thinking aloud on the reason for the difference. i didn't even think a change was warranted here, so definitely not needed in the previous works. :)
26th-Oct-2007 02:13 am (UTC)
so definitely not needed in the previous works. :)

*sighs with relief*

actually though, i'm such an obsessive perfectionist that i probably will be going through it all and making the change. just glad you made me aware of this regional difference before i write my next two hundred thousand words! hee. :)
26th-Oct-2007 05:17 am (UTC)
so, i felt like i should do some digging to see if this is an actual regional difference. theoretically, it could just be how they say it at my hospital. for what it's worth, urbandictionary.com defines both scrip and script as slang for prescription. going back and making those changes seems like so much work (and of course i'd hate to be responsible for delaying those next two hundred thousand wonderful words). so, i thought a justification for leaving it as is might help, so here goes: clearly both terms are used by healthcare professionals, and since house grew up and studied all over the country and wilson trained in canada and who knows where else, even if there were a regional difference, you should be in the clear with them using either/or.
:)
26th-Oct-2007 02:36 pm (UTC)
ROFL!!!

and i thought i was an obsessive perfectionist--ain't got nothin' on you sweetie!
27th-Oct-2007 06:17 am (UTC)
guilty as charged. it's just how i roll. :)
(Deleted comment)
25th-Oct-2007 08:12 pm (UTC)
so it reads okay? no suggestions?
25th-Oct-2007 08:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, what an incredibly powerful concept.

And these lines:

"release for House doesn't make Wilson a murderer; it makes him a liberator. And that, thinks House, is the ultimate absolution."

Just amazing.
25th-Oct-2007 08:24 pm (UTC)
okay, i've now heard positive things from three people whose opinions i hold in highest esteem. does this mean it's ready to go to the comms?
25th-Oct-2007 08:32 pm (UTC)
argh, I love it. Puuh I´m glad I´m 8 hours ahead of you and at home. If I´ve read that in my office I would have to stare out of the window to get a grip on me. Thank you so much for these amazing two stories. They are great and very moving.
25th-Oct-2007 08:40 pm (UTC)
you are, as always, very welcome! and i'm glad that i didn't get you upset at work!!! ;)
25th-Oct-2007 09:07 pm (UTC)
*cries* *cuddles House and Wilson*
25th-Oct-2007 09:15 pm (UTC)
awww... it's indeed a sad--but unavoidable--situation, isn't it?
26th-Oct-2007 12:53 am (UTC)
Yes, it is unavoidable. I just hope that what House tells him will be enough to see Wilson through. *cuddles the boys again*
25th-Oct-2007 09:24 pm (UTC)
Loved both of these. :)
25th-Oct-2007 09:26 pm (UTC)
thank you. glad you enjoyed them, and took the time to let me know; i appreciate it!
25th-Oct-2007 09:48 pm (UTC)
Great Job once again! Love how you can tell both sides of the story. It give your works so much more depth.
25th-Oct-2007 10:04 pm (UTC)
it's great fun attempting to tell their story from both viewpoints, and it's wonderful praise to know that you appreciate that aspect of my work--thanks so much!
25th-Oct-2007 11:36 pm (UTC)
Wow. Wilson and Cuddy don't think House realizes what problems he causes, but they don't realize House does know and he has a reason. That really is deep. ;<) I'm serious, don't worry.

I find myself, as always, following more into House's camp, but this time I also feel sorry from Wilson and can understand his point to. I just wish sometimes he realized that House does know. And it is what he wants.

That was very powerful. You are truely an excellent writer hun!!
25th-Oct-2007 11:55 pm (UTC)
I just wish sometimes he realized that House does know. And it is what he wants.

i think a subconscious part of wilson is aware of this, and it's simply one of the many things he won't let himself consciously examine. he doesn't want to hurt more for house than he already does.
26th-Oct-2007 12:13 am (UTC)
Ah, you have a point. Poor Wilson. Bless him. House did a good job in picking him as a friend.
(Deleted comment)
26th-Oct-2007 12:14 am (UTC)
Will House actually get around to discussing this before he finds himself in the middle of that final crisis? And will Wilson even go along with House's plan?

actually, they're both still talking at me about this whole thing, so you might get to read that 'final scene' if they keep jabbering about it! :)
26th-Oct-2007 12:15 am (UTC) - Comment. (Dr. Fantabulous)
Anonymous
Woah...that's what I was saying by the end, just, woah...
Terrific analysis, I just loved the conclusion, "...that release doesn't make Wilson a murderer; it makes him a liberator. And that, thinks House, is the ultimate absolution." That was just very House-like in nature, the attraction to concept of freedom in any form. And a perspective that can rationalize or justify anything.
Fabulous :)
26th-Oct-2007 12:25 am (UTC) - Re: Comment. (Dr. Fantabulous)
hi! So good to see you, dr. fantabulous!! hope all is well with you.

That was just very House-like in nature, the attraction to concept of freedom in any form. And a perspective that can rationalize or justify anything.

and so very sad, in a way. house's defenses are, i think, just truly poignant forms of self-preservation, i think. poor house.
26th-Oct-2007 12:23 am (UTC)
This is unbelievable sad! It makes me feel so sorry for them. I doubt that Wilson would be able to understand House's motives. To House would be the ultimate absolution but for Wilson, I guess, would be the worst punishment.

It's a incredible insight into House's pain, physical and emotional.
26th-Oct-2007 12:29 am (UTC)
i just don't think that wilson could shoulder any more hurt for house, and still be able to function. that's my theory, anyway.

It's a incredible insight into House's pain, physical and emotional.

thanks so much!!
26th-Oct-2007 02:28 am (UTC)
A beautiful companion to WWK. Beautiful and so very moving.
26th-Oct-2007 02:30 am (UTC)
thank you; i appreciate the kind words!
26th-Oct-2007 03:00 am (UTC)
Oh, wonderful companion piece to "What Wilson Knows." Makes sense that House would view his pain as an entity-- making it feel as if there are three people involved in this story. I'd really like to see if House can actually have that conversation before the last day comes, or if Wilson is going to have to force the issue (though Wilson certainly isn't any better at those type of confrontations than House is.) Actually, now that I think about it, Pain will definitely be the one to force the two of them to finally talk to each other.

Thanks for another great story!
26th-Oct-2007 10:39 am (UTC)
Pain will definitely be the one to force the two of them to finally talk to each other.

ironic, isn't it? chronic pain causes much of house's 'shut-down' from the rest of the world--yet it's also what allows him to be more open with wilson than he'd otherwise be. that's why, in the show, it kills me when wilson chooses to deny its brutal reality. [relax, mj; thirdseasonisover, thirdseasonisover....]
26th-Oct-2007 03:14 am (UTC)
I've been avoiding this because it hurts me to think about -- so I guess you've done your job well.

Oh, House. Get your friend to give you something stronger than Vicodin, something without the acetaminophen; solve the problem some other way. Don't commit suicide by Wilson.

*sigh*

That thing about his wanting it to be a friend who does this to/for him? Just breaks me into tiny little horsey bits.
26th-Oct-2007 10:44 am (UTC)
ahhh--i've been awaiting your reaction to this with bated [or--in a nod to the pit--baited] breath! and he doesn't want it to be 'a friend'; it's gotta specifically be wilson, because i believe that house believes that wilson is the only human being who truly cares about him. ymmv.
26th-Oct-2007 06:55 am (UTC)
Ow... so beautiful, so sad... it's always sad when there's no choice, and in the end, Pain will always be stronger. I hope House will make sure to let Wilson know what he knows, otherwise Wilson will feel forever guilty after the inevatible... Thanks for sharing this.
26th-Oct-2007 11:26 am (UTC)
I hope House will make sure to let Wilson know what he knows

because neither house nor wilson seems quite ready to let this whole thing go, we may, in fact, get to see that. as long as they keep talking, i'll keep listening!
26th-Oct-2007 07:33 am (UTC)
"WHAT HOUSE KNOWS", or "CHRONICLE OF A DEATH FORETOLD" (do you know that book ?)
That was beautiful. Particularly the last paragraph. Your choice of words is hard-hitting and powerful : "murderer", "liberator", "ultimate absolution". It's overwhelming but in a strange way, it is almost comforting. Guess we've reached the 5th step : Acceptance.
Or is it fatalism. I feel ambivalent.
Thank you ;-)
26th-Oct-2007 11:32 am (UTC)
"CHRONICLE OF A DEATH FORETOLD" (do you know that book ?)

no, sorry to say, i don't. only marquez book i've read is one hundred years of solitude, and --while i remember appreciating both it and his talent, i know for a [rather depressing] fact that my brain couldn't handle anything as deep as marquez right now. but maybe someday....

Guess we've reached the 5th step : Acceptance.
Or is it fatalism. I feel ambivalent.


yeah... me too. so, i think, does house. and wilson. hopefully, though, they'll let us know!

26th-Oct-2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
I like both of these a lot, even though they're so sad.
26th-Oct-2007 06:38 pm (UTC)
even though they're so sad

ah, but it is a brutal truth that sadness is often a side-effect of reality, even in fiction....

[and you may quote me on that--if you can figure out what the hell i was trying to say. it sounded, btw, perfectly coherent in my pea-brain; wasn't 'til i'd actually typed it out that i realized... oh, nevermind, i'm not even clear on what i realized!]

*inadvisedly heads back to the coffee pot*
28th-Oct-2007 01:47 pm (UTC)
Like Blackmare9 , I've been avoiding this for some time...but now that I read it, I must say it hurted so good...
I mean , reading your stories makes me feel sad and happy at the same time, and I so love it ...ehm, I hope I'm clear!
A question: in recent episodes we very rarely see House taking Vicodin...do you think it's because the writers are aware this issue's been overexposed, or they point it out as a reaction House has towards Wilson and all he caused to him, not to blatantly popping his pills? Or any other idea (since these are my impressions and you may not be sharing any of two )?
28th-Oct-2007 03:00 pm (UTC)
i like your theories as to the less-obvious vicodin consumption, but--being both a cynic and something of a pessimist--i'm thinking it may have more to do with the writers simply inadvertently "dropping another stitch," as it were. in other words, i think we see him take it when they remember that he takes it, and--what with lines for all the new castmembers to keep track of--it may have pretty much slipped their minds for the time being (along with a few other established aspects of his character development--but that's another rant. sigh....) glad you liked the piece!